Sometimes we feel good about ourselves, sometimes we don’t. That’s natural, as long as we’re able to regain an objective perspective about ourselves and the situations we’re in.
Many perceive self-esteem as a fixed state of mind, or a trait (either we have it or we don’t).
The truth is, self-esteem requires intentional practice…when we feel good about ourselves AND when we don’t.
This practice is important because self-esteem helps us in creating meaningful and authentic relationships, overcoming adversity, and achieving goals.
Every small step and action counts, including how we talk to ourselves, what we do, and how we treat ourselves regardless of the situation.
Here are some practices we can develop to build and strengthen our self-esteem:
1. Acknowledging the positives
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What do I like about myself?
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Qualities I have…
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My achievements…
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Challenges I have overcome…
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Things I have created…
2. Adjusting negative self-beliefs to a fair and helpful one
- Taking into account our whole experiences instead of filtering out certain aspects E.g. from always thinking “I am not good enough” to “I am good at certain things but need to improve at other things”
3. Adjusting rules and expectations
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Recognising some life assumptions and rules that are excessive, rigid and unrealistic, and developing more sustainable, adaptable and realistic versions of them
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From “I must not ask for help. I should know what to do at all times.” to “I will give it a try on my own first, but seeking help is also a resource that I can use”.
4. Creating a positive environment
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Surrounding self with positive and encouraging people
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Developing healthy physical and emotional boundaries, especially with those who tend to be discouraging
5. Practising self-compassion
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Being mindful of our emotions (including the difficult ones), not dismissing or over-identifying with them
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Practising kind self-talk and actions
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Recognising experiences and struggles as universal experiences as being human
6. Celebrating success
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Recognising progress, milestones, and positive processes (not just outcome)
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Reflecting on the path taken and efforts made to get here
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Congratulating, appreciating self through words of affirmation or kind actions
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Allowing self to share with others
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Slowing down to feel the positive experiences in the body